This years theme has been about relearning my relationships and my desire for love. Self-love, familial Love, friend love, and romantic love. This is the longest I have been single since 2013. I moved to a new place, when things fell apart, I stayed and kept going. In these 6 months since I’ve moved to Portland, I have learned so much about taking care of myself. Recognizing toxic behaviors and learning to let go of relationships that no longer serve me(or them). I’ve decided on things I want for my future and understanding that I need to be kinder to myself.
The process is long. Knowing that having a partner is a wonderful thing, but that it’s more essential to have the right partner. That it’s better to be happy alone than miserable together. and that being alone is also essential for a healthy relationship with yourself, which translates directly to your relationship with others. Relearning my relationship with my body and with sex after experiencing trauma. I cannot begin to tell you how eye opening it is to engage in honest communication. Just do it! Have frank discussions about what you need from your friends, your family, and your lovers and what they need from you. Most importantly what you need from you.
Be brave! It’s okay to be vulnerable and open. It’s fine to get hurt, feel it, and try again. The bonds I share with people are sacred and know healthy limits. I know that now. I am so proud of who I am, of who I am becoming. I’ve learned if you abandon yourself, you will attract others who will take from you and abandon you as well.
Love is not sacrificial. Love is temperance. Love is giving and kind. Love is sacred. Do not fear it. Embrace it. Embrace those around you love. Embrace yourself and all the messy parts.